Why it’s ok to quit
Maisie has just finished her second year as an Adult Nursing student in Edinburgh and has recently made the decision to re-enroll on a different course. She has felt for a long time that this was somehow shameful, but wants anyone else in a similar situation to know that doing whatever is right for you, is never something to be self-conscious about and we are all just figuring things out.
Why it’s ok to quit
I’m quitting
I’m taking the easy route
I’m not strong enough
I’m a failure
Everyone is disappointed in me
I’ve wasted everyone’s time
These are the thoughts that circled my mind every time I considered leaving my nursing course. I thought everyone would judge me or think that I was just lazy. But I’m not lazy and I’m not just giving up. I am prioritising myself, my mental health, and my happiness.
So why am I “giving up”?
There are a few key reasons as to why personally I needed to make a change and “quit”
COVID.
I started uni in September 2020, between the harshest lockdowns that affected students and made making friends challenging. I didn’t feel comfortable going out due to the risk of Covid so I was alone a lot. I had some lovely flatmates but was torn between attending parties in other flats and making sure I was following the rules and stopping the spread of Covid. It wasn’t easy as it felt like everyone else was partying and I was being the “boring friend” who wasn’t going out. Aswell due to Covid, we had no time in uni and very little contact time. This lack of academic stimulation really added to the feelings of isolation and boredom. I had come to university straight from doing A-levels where I was busy from arriving at school at 8:00 am to going home at 5:00 pm, sometimes even till 9:30 pm, a 1-hour tutorial once a week felt like nothing. I felt like I had too many hours in the day to fill, which made me feel even more alone and unsupported.
2. Challenging time on placement in 2021.
I had to complete the practice hours if I wanted to continue on to year 2 of the program. I was allocated to a medicine of the elderly ward in one of the large hospitals in Edinburgh. I arrived with my reasonable adjustments written up by the Occupational health department that outlined my mental health struggles to date so I wouldn’t have to describe them myself. Sadly the ward was just incredibly busy and turbulent, there wasn't really time for me to sit down and discuss with my practice supervisor what my conditions are and how I might need additional support. This isn’t meant to be a criticism of the ward at all, but just an important factor that I’m aware others will sadly be able to relate to. If your needs aren’t being listened to, I understand how difficult it is as so often we fear being seen as “difficult”, “work-shy” or even “pretentious”. You have reasonable adjustments for a reason, they are reasonable! You deserve the support that will help you. Another aspect of nursing placement that many people shy away from talking about is that often we are treated as Healthcare Assistants. I do want to be clear that HCAs are a very integral and valued part of the MDT but I am not on placement to learn how to be an HCA, I am on placement to learn how to be a Nurse. Another stereotype of student nurses is that we are “too posh to wash” or in other words because we are on a degree course we think we are too superior to do basic patient care like bed baths, mobilising patients, ect. This is obviously wrong and most student nurses I’ve met wouldn’t hesitate to help a patient. We are of course going to benefit from doing the “menial” work, (anyone who does a bed bath well will tell you it is indeed a highly-skilled job) that isn't the complete extent of what we could learn from placement.
3. Greater opportunities elsewhere
I felt that I was lacking the aspect of studying that I loved. Whilst I really enjoyed the hands-on aspect of the nursing degree, I felt that I was being academically challenged in the way that I wanted to be. So I researched a LOT of options around what other degrees could offer me. It is incredibly daunting to change your path but putting yourself and your goals first is a great act of self-care and if you aren’t enjoying something there will come a point when you burn out.
4. Mental health
I have suffered from various mental illnesses since I was 13 and found the time on the nursing degree very challenging in part due to becoming very unwell in regards to my mental health. Another aspect that didn’t help is that NHS mental health wait lists are long and support is patchy. I am aware I am incredibly privileged to even get a diagnosis or medication but I still feel it is important to note that you can still feel let down by mental health services whilst having had many positive interactions. To anyone else feeling like they are struggling with their mental health, you have probably heard this a thousand times over but please reach out and let someone know. Whether this is someone on your course, a university tutor, a GP, a friend, a family member, or anyone, this is often the first step to getting help. If you feel completely stuck and don’t know who could help, we at Future Frontline can always offer suggestions and recommendations. We know how difficult it is to be a student or healthcare worker and we want to help in any way we can. (We can not offer individual medical advice but we can suggest things from individual experience as well as many organisations designed to support students and HCWs)
If anyone is reading this and going through the same thing or even considering changing paths, please know you are NOT alone and there are many others in similar situations. We’ve got to stick together and prioritise ourselves. Please don't hesitate to get in contact with us.
