Imposter syndrome as a paramedic student
My name is Lina and I’m 19 years old! I am currently a 2nd year student paramedic. The reason I have the desire to become a qualified paramedic is because I love the role itself. Yes, it’s stressful and definitely challenging but I hope overtime I can adapt to the challenges faced and develop into a great paramedic in the future! Previously, I was part of the Young Adults Volunteering Programme in 2019 at the Birmingham Children’s Hospital for 6 months where I volunteered on cardiac, renal and spinal wards. I had the opportunity to interact with the nurses and doctors, the families and the children. It was amazing! I hope I can qualify in the near future and become a really good paramedic as well as inspire other people along the way!
Can you really predict the future? Is what you’re doing and the time you’re spending worth it? Do you feel like you’re letting down others as well as yourself?
Starting this course, I was and still am very ambitious. I’m determined to strive to get to where I want to be despite the difficulties I would face. But being shy and always having self-doubt, it was hard to get to where I am now.
At the beginning of my first year, I was surrounded by loud and outgoing people. They were all socialising, laughing and enjoying themselves, and then there was me who struggled to even say hello unless I was put in a situation where I had no choice. They would ask questions, participate in class, whereas I couldn’t even put my hand up to respond to a question that I knew I knew the answer to.
At the back of my mind, even now, there’s a constant fear of getting things wrong and making mistakes. I would stop myself from participating or saying anything in the fear that I would be judged and the perception others had of me would change. During placement, I had a hard time coming out of my shell and speaking with other people. Every patient we went to, my heart would start racing, and so many things would run through my mind yet nothing would actually come out of my mouth. It was beyond frustrating!! I struggled for the first month of placement if I’m honest, and couldn’t find my rhythm. I felt I was failing as a clinician and people may view me as incompetent and incapable of being in the profession.
Inside I knew, however, that this was the role for me and I was and still am putting in 100% effort! I was determined to give it my all to get to the end of this course and prove that I deserved to be here, and deserved the title of a ‘Paramedic’!
At that moment in time, I decided that it was time to change my train of thought, change my perception of myself and prove to others, but most importantly myself, that although I’m quiet and struggle with inner thoughts and fears, there’s a confident and capable clinician that was hidden until now. As the months went on, my confidence in my practice began to grow. I worked to try and ask questions and take a basic history from all the patients we attended to. I put myself forward and volunteered to lead case after case after case. I carried out all the observations, used the radios to conduct VNRs and even participated in handovers at the hospital. I could physically feel myself growing as a clinician.
There were times that I’d let myself down, however. For instance, recently I was told to carry out a METHANE at the scene of a road traffic collision, but my nerves got the better of me and I refused to carry out the task because I did not understand how to use the radios or confidently provide all the suitable information. Let’s just say that I wasn’t happy and neither was my mentor. But the thing is, you are going to make mistakes. You are going to fail at times. The most important concept to remember however is recuperation! Therefore, I tried not to dwell on that incident after the end of the shift, as it fosters a bad mindset. So after that and a lot of recuperating, I went in the next day for another shift with another colleague, and I attended and led every case.
It is hard. I’m not going to lie, but after constantly putting myself forward and forcing myself out there, I am so proud of myself and my progress no matter what anyone thinks!
There was even a case where I was absolutely terrified to lead. The call came in as a category 1. I could hear on the radios, ‘7-month-old choking’. My heart literally sank into my stomach but I maintained a calm composure and was preparing in the back of the ambulance for what would have been a very stressful and time-critical situation. My colleague asked me if I wanted to lead the case. I took a few seconds to think, and I fully went for it. Once we arrived, I jumped off with the ZOLL and the suction, mentally preparing myself for what I might see. To be honest, I had no clue what I was going to witness walking through the front door. Thankfully on arrival, the baby was fine. I carried out all the checks and we decided as a crew to transport the baby to hospital. I was so stressed about this situation, but I am so happy and thankful that the baby was okay. And I was beyond proud of my performance! I felt like the title of a ‘student’ – being seen as inferior to my colleagues – totally flew over my head and the mind of a paramedic entered my mindset to where I was ready to face the worst.
This job is hard and it is so difficult to get yourself into it. But it is not impossible! From where I was then to where I am now, I am astonished and delighted with my progress so far and how far I have excelled from a timid individual to a more confident student paramedic.
Just because you’re making slow progress does not mean you’re not capable to become a paramedic. Everything you learn you will soon understand. Every case you attend will become less nerve-wracking. Every situation you face, you will feel more confident with your practice. Honestly, practice makes perfect!
You are going to make mistakes. You are going to fail at times. You are going to fall apart. I mean, I can admit that I’ve had multiple emotional breakdowns which I am not afraid to say because that has contributed to who I am today. After all, I truly do care about this job, getting to where I want to be and I truly want to provide the most suitable care and help to all my patients.
Progression is slow and that is something to remember. You won’t grasp everything all in one day, or even a month or even a few months. But you will do so eventually!
Don’t give up on that dream, but most importantly, don’t give up on yourself! There’s a reason you’re on this course, and one of them is because you deserve to be.